The Home Study

The home study is just what it says...a study of your home. Yes, but what is it? Basically, it's a detailed, written report on your family & home life compiled by a social worker. It includes family background, the neighborhood you live in, your physical health, financial statements, criminal clearances, references, interviews...the list goes on. The amount of information required is rather daunting & you begin to wonder why every parent isn't required to jump through this many hoops before they have kids. On the one hand, it's reassuring that someone is making sure an adopted child is placed in a good home...on the other hand, it seems invasive & unecessary, especially if you already have a child. The home study can take several weeks to several months; while the home visit itself is generally completed quickly, the criminal clearances are what take the most time. Naturally, this is not a free service, either; home studies generally cost between $500-$3,000, althought this is calculated as part of the overall adoption cost of $30k+. And, guess what else? EVERY STATE IS DIFFERENT. Some states allow an independent social worker to perform a home study, while others require a licensed agency. If you're adopting within the state the home study is conducted, no problem. But what happens when you're adopting across state lines...or internationally? That's where it gets complicated. A great, general source I came across is here, (linked to with permission from the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.) I've been unable to find a site online, however, that lists home study requirements by state, so it's best to consult a licensed adoption attorney before proceeding with the home study.

Missed Opportunities

I mentioned in the last post that we had an adoption situation drop suddenly in our laps, but were unable to follow through on it; here is the background on that.

Through one of the adoption support groups we've discovered, I received an email detailing an adoption situation that required immediate action. The birthmom was already on the way to the hospital to give birth, and the birthparents wanted the prospective adoptive parents to be at the hospital as the baby was born. Talk about short notice! I'm not sure if this couple decided literally last minute to give their child up for adoption, or if they had a failed placement, but it sure didn't leave much time. At first I was thrilled to think that this might be our child, but as I read further into the email, & discovered just how unprepared we were, I got very discouraged as I realized we would not be the adoptive parents waiting at the hospital, this time. First off, we have not yet completed a homestudy, due to the fact that they are only good for one year. Our thought being that there's no point completeing a homestudy when we know we won't have the money to adopt within that time frame, thereby wasting money that could have been put toward the adoption. This brings us to the second hurdle, money. The adoption costs for this particular case were listed as $33,500...we had approximately $12,500 saved at the time (just a slight gap in the funding there), and I knew there was no way we could bridge that $21,000 gap overnight. It was a bittersweet moment, realizing this was not the situation for us, after all. On the one hand, we wouldn't be able to adopt that baby...but on the other hand, excited to discover that at any moment an adoption situation could just drop in our laps. It really can happen that quickly, if we're prepared. And it brought up an intriguing question...maybe we should go ahead with the homestudy, after all. Since the homestudy takes so long, perhaps it's worth the "maintenance fee" to update it until we adopt. There would still be the gap in funding to come up with last minute, of course, but maybe that would be easier/take less time than waiting on background checks (for example, if we were able to take out a loan). I brought this issue up to an adoption professional, and her suggestion was to just do the background check section of the homestudy for now, since that is the time consuming part; the actual home visit could be completed very quickly. We would still have to update that in a year if we hadn't adopted by then, but the "maintenance fee" wouldn't be as much. Excellent advice, and something we are definitely considering...we'd hate to miss out on another adoption situation because we weren't prepared.

Growing & Learning

There's been quite the flurry of adoption activity over here this spring, and it's past time for an update. I've been feeling more positive lately about the possibility of ever affording an adoption. In the fall, we were researching the possibility of filing a malpractice suit against my doctors and possibly the hospital. After consulting with several lawyers, though, we were told we didn't have much of a case; disappointing to say the least. Not that we expected millions out of a lawsuit, but we were certainly hoping for enough to fund an adoption, or at the very least, significantly contribute to the adoption. At the time, I was absolutely devastated, convinced that without that money we'd never be able to afford adoption. But I've since rallied & am once more determined to overcome the money hurdle. We've been doing some small fund raising projects, such as selling books we no longer read on Amazon marketplace, and selling off jewelry I no longer wear. Our tax refund went straight into the adoption fund, of course, and occasional donations from family have also boosted our fund. Our fund is sssslllloooowwwwlllyyyy growing...at a glacial pace, true, but growing nonetheless. Of course, given my lack of patience, my perception of how fast our fund is growing is probably rather skewed.

About a month ago, a friend sent me some information on a local adoption support group that was just starting up. I don't know why, but it never occurred to me to look around for support groups. So I was very excited to learn that they even existed, and very much looking forward to attending the meeting. At that first meeting, I learned of another support group in the area, and at the second meeting I was able to attend, I learned of yet another local support group! Amazing that they were here this whole time, right under our noses. It's been wonderful to have a group (or several groups, really) of people who are also on an adoption journey to turn to for advice, experience, and understanding.

Now that the word is getting out among friends & family of our desire to adopt, adoption information seems to be cropping up everywhere. We had an adoption situation actually drop in our laps, but had to pass it up because of lack of funds. We also discovered that a friend of a friend owns an agency & would be willing to give us advice on the process. Things are moving forward, for sure. Now if our adoption fund would just get the message & catch up...

Up All Night

Can't sleep. Had an adoption meeting tonight & now my thoughts are just running together...if we only knew 3 yrs ago what we know now, how different things would be! Ambrose received an inheritance in 2007, and we immediately started improvements on the house...a screened patio, a new kitchen, new floors....It seemed like the right way to use the money at the time, to invest in our house & increase the value. But if we had known then that we would have to adopt a second child, we would have given all those improvements up in a heartbeat & we would be waiting to be matched to a baby RIGHT NOW. Instead, we're struggling to save up the $30k+ for adoption, putting every spare penny (and then some) into an adoption fund, all while trying to stay afloat financially. I'm really starting to resent the kitchen, patio, and floors. And then there's the adoption tax credit, which expires in 2011...how wonderful to be able to recoup $13k of our adoption expenses! We just have to hurry up & adopt before the end of 2011...which, at the rate our adoption fund is inching along, will most likely not happen. I feel like a petulant child screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!" when an older sibling gets to do something I can't...and, yet, it's NOT fair. Of course, knowing that it's not fair doesn't change things, nor does it make me feel any better about the situation. Not for the first time, I question why on earth adoption has to be so damn expensive! Again, IT'S NOT FAIR. Why should giving birth to a biological child be so much cheaper than adoption? Why should people who can't have children of their own, or who just want to offer a better life to a child, be penalized? No one should have to pay thru the nose to become a parent. (parenting classes & being required to pass an aptitude test before having children, adopted or otherwise, however, should be required. (; ) Trying to stay positive about the whole thing, but sometimes the unfair factor punches me in the gut, and it takes awhile to get back up.